This may seem very basic, but let me ask this question: how do you know you are writing to a real woman? How do you know she is genuinely interested in you? How do you know she is actually a woman?

Yes, there are men in Russia and throughout the FSU (Former Soviet Union) that troll around these free dating sites and marriage agency sites (sometimes they even have a business arrangement with some of the agencies!) and impersonate women! They may even find a girlfriend, wife or mistress to be in on the scam with them, and use their name and information for you to send them a Western Union money transfer.

The good news is that there are ways to verify your “woman” is indeed who she says she is. First, if you are using an agency, you can ask to see scans of her actual handwritten letters to you. If they refuse, there is probably something funny going on and you should move on to a different agency and a different woman. When you get these scans, you could even forward them to an independent translator and then compare this to the agency provided translation. This will show you if the letters have been altered. This is a very common practice–changing letters so that the relationship is facilitated even when there may not be much real feeling.

Another step you can take to protect yourself is to get the woman’s full contact details. If she refuses, move on. A serious woman will want to facilitate your communication. She will want you to call her, write her, think about her. A woman who is just out to scam you does not want you to be able to get in touch with her–you may be able to track her down or send her name to an investigator in the FSU. If the agency will not give you these details, you may decide to buy a few minutes of an interpreter assisted phone call (for this you will probably have to use the agency, since they will not wish to provide you her direct phone number). Then call her at the agreed upon time. Chat for a minute or two, then, when your time is almost up, ask for her phone number and make it clear you will call again. Then, call her again without the agencies help! This can be facilitated with another translator if needed–do not use the agency translator a second time. This is important also because it will provide you with the impressions of a second person.

During your phone calls with her, ask questions and even ask questions you have already asked in your letters. If it seems like this is the first time she has heard many of these questions, you should dig a little deeper–you are basically trying to verify that she is seeing the letters exactly as you have written them, and that they have not been altered.

Once you have her full contact details, send her something in the mail. This could be a small gift, photo, letter, anything. The idea is just to make sure she gets it. If she cannot speak good English, you may consider having the letter translated. Then wait for her to say that she received your surprise in the mail.

You could also do what is called a scam check. You use a gift delivery company to send her a rose, or candy, champagne, anything. Ask them to take a photo of her receiving your gifts. If she refuses, it may be because she is really a man! If she puts on a nice dress and looks very happy in the photo she is probably genuine.

Does she answer your questions? If she is not answering your specific questions, but only seems to write in general terms, it is very possible she is using a series of pre-written letters. How often is she writing to you? If you are getting a letter from her every day, watch out. You need to wonder (and ask) what she does all day–it would appear she has her own computer and a lot of time on her hands. Most women in the FSU do not have this kind of time, nor the means to buy there own computer.

In her letters is she very suggestive? If she is using sex talk this is a very bad sign. She may be real, indeed, but is probably just trying to scam you. The same goes for if she is sending you photos constantly, or if in her profile she uses half-nude or bikini type photos.

Also, a Russian woman will NOT profess her love for you after just a few letters. To her way of thinking, you are not even in a “real” relationship yet. Not until you come and meet in person will this opinion change. If she is telling you she loves you and you are necessary for her, beware! She is setting you up for a scam. Do yourself a favor and move on.

What kinds of questions is she asking you? Is she trying to find out what you are like? Does she want to know about your goals, your hobbies, how you spend your time, what your family is like? A real woman will want to know all this and more.

These are just some basic steps that I recommend you take to ensure you are writing a real woman who is genuinely interested in you. Please do not just pay your money and take your chances; I have seen too many men get swindled by taking this approach. You can be successful in this process; I can help you. But you do have to be very careful.

With that in mind, here are some typical scams that you need to watch out for. Some are done by the woman herself, and others are done through the Russian marriage agency that you may have chosen to use.

Money For Internet
With this scam, the Russian single will simply ask you for help with her costs. She will claim that it is expensive for her to buy internet time, or to pay for the translations of letters back and forth. If she is using one of the Russian marriage agencies, there is absolutely no truth to this at all, since she is not charged for anything! If she is using an independent service, there may be some truth, but it is still a scam.

If she is more sophisticated, then independent Russian dating agencies may contact you on her behalf. They will simply state that you have been corresponding with their client Natasha Snakekiller and she has a bill due to this correspondence or translations, etc.

Do not believe these message, nor give in to them. Chances are, your Russian date is writing to many, many other men and saying the same things. The hope is that you will just pay and not even think about this, since it is only for a small sum of money (usually $30-50).

Money For Tickets or Visa
This one can get a little more complicated. However, the bottom line is that her letters will become much more amorous and you may be led to believe that she has fallen in love with you. Her letters may even become sexually suggestive. This is a clear warning in and of itself. She may even state plainly that she wants to become your Russian marriage partner.

She will claim that she wants to be with you. Then she will bring up the possibility (if you have not already taken the bait) of her flying to your country. Of course, she will need money for the plane tickets. This is the basic version. She may also ask for extra money that needs to be shown at customs, otherwise they will not let her enter (because they do not see means for her to support herself).

All bogus. There is no such requirement for Russian beauties to enter your country. It is just simply a trick to get you to send her money. If you send it, she will either immediately stop all further contact with you, or will try to get more money out of you. Maybe even come up with a sob story of being in a car accident or being robbed or mugged and losing some of the money you sent. Do not fall for this!

Another variation of this is that she may claim to have a friend at the embassy or at a travel agency. Of course, this friend can help to facilitate the process of helping her get a visa or plane tickets much faster. Again, another lie. She may be able to get a tourist visa, however, they do take some time to set up and she needs to go through an interview. It is by no means certain. If she sends you a copy of a visa she has supposedly obtained, you can verify this with the consulate where it was issued. Do this and you will see it is a fake.

Money For Medical Expenses
Or for some kind of operation or emergency procedure. Very old and over used if you ask me. I am amazed any level headed guy still falls for this one. If she is a little bit inventive, this could be tied together with several others. Such as being involved in an accident of some type. If she is really good, maybe even another one of her friends will contact you to inform you of these events, after a brief but noticeable period of no contact (while she was in the hospital, of course!).

This could also be tied into a robbery story. Or she might even say something about the Russian mafia. Unbelievable, but true. Again, it amazes me that these actually work on occasion.

Interpreter Scam
This one is very insidious. This is where an interpreter or other agency employee is writing letters on behalf of the woman. In most cases, the woman does not even know who you are. Or perhaps you wrote an introductory letter and she decided that she was not interested in writing you.

The interpreters at many agencies are paid based on how many letters they write. So, one of them may decide to invent a correspondence. In this case, the only letters that are real are yours. And your intended woman will never see them.

You can avoid all of these scams rather easily. The bottom line rule is to never send money to a woman you have not met. That simple.

Of course, when dealing with the last scam you are paying the agency and not the woman directly. In this case you need to take steps to verify that you are writing a real Russian woman, and that she really knows who you are (and is interested in you)!

I want my children to be happy and have a secure future, and it’s impossible with the current situation in Russia.
There are not enough men in Russia to find a partner.
Russian men are terrible.
All the statements are true to some extent. But at the same time none of them gives you a real reason.

The real and fundamental reason why women look for a life partner abroad is that they are not happy in their love life and cannot find a suitable partner in Russia. It’s that simple!

The demographic reason behind that is that there are 10 million more women in Russia than men, or only 88 men for 100 women. Some women are destined to stay single. The cultural notion for a Russian woman is to get married and have a family; this is the necessary condition of success for a woman. This is why even successful career women feel unfulfilled if they don’t have a husband and family, and some of them use search for a partner abroad as an option. They do it because they want to meet a suitable partner for marriage.

A married woman, even if she is struggling with everyday surviving and not happy with Russian family model, won’t divorce her Russian husband to look for a foreign husband.

Russian women do not choose between Russian men and foreign men. They choose between staying single for life and having her own family.

Russian women want MARRIAGE, to love and be loved. Security and a better life go as a part of the package.

At the time, I did not know any better, so I just accepted this information. As I learned more about this industry I began to have the sneaking suspicion that this information was not accurate.

Well, now we know. There has been a new survey taken with some hard data. This was compiled by a well-respected Russian dating agency newsletter, with the assistance of several other Russian marriage agency web sites and forums. It was further conducted and/or audited by an outside statistics firm to provide authenticity and accuracy of the numbers.

So what were the findings? They do speak favorably to the success of Russian women marriage. 40.76% of the cross-cultural couples are divorced, while 59.24% are still married.

At first glance this may not look like a big difference. After all, the other study suggested that the divorce rate of such couples was only 25%. Yet, we should consider the fact that the US domestic divorce rate is right around 50%, depending on which study you choose to believe (it may be even higher). So, a 9% difference in the divorce rates is very significant, statistically speaking.

This information clearly shows that you will have a greater chance of success in staying married to your Russian bride, than if you married someone here in the US.

Another interesting piece of information is included in this report. The age difference between the various spouses is not nearly as large as has been thought (and reported). When men were asked the question about age differentials, it averaged 9.8 years. When women were asked, the difference averaged 8.6 years. However you look at this, the average age difference between cross-cultural spouses is less than 10 years.

One of the strongest pieces of advice I usually give to my clients is in this area. It has always been my opinion that a man should not be dating single Russian women more than 15 years younger. In fact, even 15 years is pushing the envelope a bit. Yet, for years, Russian women marriage agency has been telling their male clients that is ok for them to try and find a woman 15, 20, even 30 years younger.

Hopefully, this new report will be well circulated and soon these Russian marriage agencies will no longer be able to keep spreading these lies. And the men who are interested in pursuing these wonderful Ukranian women, Russian women, Kazakhstan women, etc. will be much better informed.

Finally, the report also asked the question whether or not these people would be willing to consider another cross-cultural marriage if this one were to fail (i.e. end in divorce). Nearly 90% of them said that they would be willing to try again with such a relationship.

That certainly says something about their level of contentment with their partners, and the fact that they clearly believe this is the path to their happiness.

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1. Decide this is really what you want, make a serious decision.

2. Find a Russian woman…don’t worry, you can do this online.

3. Communicate, build rapport and develop a relationship.

4. Commit to making a visit to Russia, Ukraine, or whatever country she is from.

5. Travel to the Former Soviet Union (FSU) and meet her!

6. If you are convinced you have met “her,” then return home and begin the paperwork

7. Finish all of the initial paperwork and file your application for her visa.

8. The waiting game begins–you wait for approval and she gathers her documentation.

9. She (and you if possible) attends the final visa interview and receives approval.

10. Bring her home, make final marriage preparations and marry within 90 days (or send her home).

Please bear in mind that the following discussion is just a basic overview of the process. As you go along, please continue to educate yourself and get more information on the various steps.

The first step is really self-explanatory. This is not something to play around with. These women are very serious, and if you are not it does them a big disservice. So, do your research and self-education first, but once you decide to persue this option, be committed to it!

Next, you need to find a Russian woman. The easiest way to do this today is online. When I started, the big way was catalogs (way back before the digital age!). Please do not go to a general dating website. Places like match dot com and eharmony, etc… are way too general for this. Plus, there will be a much higher chance of finding a dishonest woman who is only interested in getting your money.

Find an honest marriage agency (www.allxu.com for example). Start out by looking at some of the forums and advice websites. See what kind of recommendations they give. Look at some of the agency reviews as well. Also, focus on advice that not only tells you which agencies are good, but how to determine for yourself whether an agency is good or not. Kind of the old give a man a fish versus teach a man to fish theory. Once you know this, you will be able to evaluate any agency on your own. Of course, reviews will still always be helpful whenever you come across a new one.

Step 3 is communicating and developing a relationship. Of course, there is a lot involved in terms of writing and communicating with a Russian woman. The first tip is to be prolific. Find at least 100 women to start your letter writing campaign. You can expect your response rate to be between 20-30%. For every 100 letters you send, expect 20-30 replies. Of those, expect at least half to drop out of correspondence after a while. It may be your decision or hers to stop.

Just understand that in the beginning this is really just a numbers game. You need to have enough women in the pipeline to give yourself a good chance of success.

While it is not essential in the beginning, you may want to limit your search to a particular city or region. Eventually you will want to make a trip to see these women; it helps if they are within the same general area. Otherwise, you will be spending all your time going back and forth. Not fun!

This may seem like a heavy time investment. To combat this, what is usually recommended is to write a good, but general introduction letter. You want to tell a bit about yourself, a basic background. State why you have decided to write to her (it can be the same reason for each woman), and what your ultimate goal is. Just keep it simple, one to two pages. Probably one page is better for the first contact. You do the work of writing this once and then it is done. Use this as your first contact for every woman you meet. Sometimes, you may need to make some adjustments, but they should be minor.

Keep yourself organized. I like to have a folder on my computer labeled Russian (or Ukrainian) women. Within this I have sub-folders for each woman I have received a reply from. In this individual sub-folders go all of our letters and contact details. If we speak on the phone I also make a file with the date and notes on the conversation. Trust me, organization is essential once you are talking with more than about 5 women at once!

The letter writing a later the phone calling is nice, but understand that most of these single Russian ladies will not consider this to be a “real” relationship until you meet in person. This is just the way it is. I have also found out that most women will general give you about 6 months to commit to a trip to meet her. After this time frame, they will think that you are not really serious and may even move on. Understand this, and be ready to commit to a trip to meet the ladies you are starting to feel serious about.

In fact, once you have committed to visiting you will see a rapid escalation in your relationship. She will seem more serious, more interested, even more caring. She may start writing more frequently, and answering your letters faster.

Now it is time to visit. Just a few travel pointers: be vigilant in your search for tickets. You can find better deals than the Travelocities and Pricelines. You can search online even for international travel consolidators. Look at the various agencies for their recommendations as well. The off season for travel to the Former Soviet Union (FSU) is between November and the end of March. This is when you will generally find the best deals. Before I was married, I would leave on March 31st whenever possible. This way I would get a good deal at least on one leg of the trip and could be fairly sure that I would not have to deal with snow or sub-zero temperatures.

When making your arrangements, I would strongly suggest you use the services of a marriage agency. Have them set you up with an apartment. You will be more comfortable their than in a hotel. Plus, it will be significantly cheaper. The hotels in the FSU are generally not up to western standards and should be avoided. Unless of course, you want to go first class and spend $300+ a night! Also, have the marriage agency send a car and driver to pick you up at the airport.

I would also suggest you have a back-up plan. Find another local agency in the city you are visiting. Do this BEFORE you visit, of course. You never know what will happen. If you have their contact info, including address, you can be as flexible as you need to be. You could meet women from both agencies while you are there.

If you visit for 2 weeks, take the first week to meet as many women as you can. Start with the ones you have been communicating with. Then, if there is time and interest, maybe set up meetings with some other women from the agencies. You can meet 2 or 3 each day if you are organized and diligent about this. Hey, it’s a tough job, but someone has to do it, right!? Spend the second week getting to know the women you met during the first week. Of course, do not feel obligated to have second meetings. Only continue things with those that you are serious about and feel a good connection with. You need to be disciplined about this.

Of course, dating overseas on a two week trip is much different than dating a woman back home. Just the fact that you are trying to pack a lot of getting to know each other time into a very short period. Your dates should focus on this one task, not on entertainment. Of course, there is nothing wrong with being entertained, and by all means do so. Just understand that if this is ALL you do, it will be a tremendous waste of your time, effort and resources. You are trying to gather information that will lead to a marriage decision.

It is also entirely possible that it will take you two or even more trips to the FSU before you feel comfortable proposing to her. That is fine. Do whatever you need to do to get the information you need to make your decision. Do not feel pressure that you have to make this decision by 10am of the day before you are scheduled to fly home from your first trip!

On the other hand, once you have made a decision regarding marriage (and she has accepted!), you need to start doing the government required paperwork. This is somewhat beyond the scope of this article, but fortunately there are many places you can find out about the act of applying for her fiancé visa. Take a look at the uscis.gov website to download forms. The ones you will need initially are the I-129f, application for alien fiancé, and the G-325a, which is a biographical information form. Not that you will need 8 copies of the G-325a (4 for her and 4 for you). Start filling these out in the FSU. In fact, there will be information you need from your beautiful Russian woman for marriage that she can help you complete.

Once you have returned home, you file this paperwork by sending it along with the required fee to whatever government office is required (it should mention this in the instructions of the forms-the I-129f). Then you wait.

You will receive several notices of action. The first is just simply an acknowledgement of receiving your application paperwork. It does not mean approval. The next notice will mean that you have received initial conditional approval. This simply means that everything looks in order and your paperwork will move on to the next step.

After a little more processing, your packet will be sent overseas to the proper consulate. This is usually located in the capital city of her country, but there are exceptions. The two of you will both receive notice that it has been received by the consulate. She will then be mailed a packet of information which will state what further documentation she needs to gather. Once she has these, she send notice back. Then, the consulate will send her the final information, which includes the date of her final interview as well as where to get her medical exam.

The last step in this process is for her to attend the interview. I attended the interview with my then fiancé and it was a neat experience. If you are able, I would recommend attending this together, but it is not necessary. After approval, she will receive her visa (but methods for delivery can vary…and it can be immediate to several days before she actually has her visa in hand). Then, and only then, is it time to book tickets and make arrangements to get her home to you!

Her fiancé visa gives her the right to enter the US one time only, within 6 months from the date of issue. She is allowed to stay for 90 days. Within this time period you must either marry, or she must return home. By the way, if you decide not to marry, you are LEGALLY responsible for getting her a plane ticket home and getting her to the airport on time! Make a copy of this ticket/receipt just for documentation and proof.

That’s the process in a nutshell. As I mentioned before, this is only a very brief overview. Please continue to educate yourself about this whole process. Look at forums, reviews and other advice sites.

Visit us: www.allxu.com

Visit us: www.allxu.com